I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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