everyone is single if you try hard enough
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
