im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
