I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
