if i died would you start the facebook group?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
