The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize