just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
