Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
