oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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