Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
