i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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