Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
