I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
