hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
