cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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