I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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