You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
