I'm so fucking centered right now
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
