I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize