I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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