make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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