my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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