and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize