My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
