i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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