so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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