We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You ate ashes out of my bong
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
