i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
