i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
