I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
