i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize