Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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