Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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