you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
