You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
