census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize