How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
