You can't special order awesome
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
