Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
