living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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