no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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