i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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