i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
