i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
