You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
