Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
