Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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