I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
