Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
