Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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