i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
