so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
