Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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