Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
