he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
