My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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