just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
