I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize