she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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