I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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