woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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