I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
