just tell him i said nine months
Banned from zoo.
Again?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
