Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
