I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
